Brainstorming...I guess that is what this is today

I hate when I have to write an essay and I don't know what to say. I know what I want to talk about, but it just isn't going in the direction I want it to go. For my teaching writing class, we have to write an essay or a creative non-fiction piece about...anything! That's what I hate. I want more direction.

Anyway, I am writing about the Orphan Train. I thought I would write about this because I feel it is something important in history (and in my life) and no one really knows about it. Basically, in New York, they established this train that took orphaned and neglected children out to the Midwest to new families. My great-grandfather and many of his siblings (he had a lot of siblings...his parents just didn't stop having kids) were put onto the Orphan Train. They were brought out to the Midwest and he was taken in by a family in Maryville. He was 11 when this happened, so the family that took him permanently took him more as a farmhand than as a son. To me, that is really sad, but I guess that was just how it was. He was taken away from his real parents, where even though they were very poor, he probably felt loved and cared for and like a son. Then he gets sent here. He isn't poor any more, but he is treated more as a worker than a son. His new "parents" weren't as loving as real parents are, and he had to grown up with that for the rest of his life.

Anyway, I want to tell this story in a somewhat creative, somewhat informative way, but I don't want it to be boring. I don't want it to be an autobiography of his life. I want it to be more than that. So, I am banging my head up against a wall trying to come up with an idea. (Okay, really, I am checking in on Facebook all of the time and peering out the window wishing I was outside.) I just don't know what to write. I have it started, but am not happy with it. Hopefully venting about it through writing will help.

Can this school year be over with? Please?

This has been the most stressful school year not only for me, but for Josh, too. It really sucks. If I am not stressed with my masters classes or one of the classes I teach at school, then Josh is stressed with CTA stuff. I am just tired of it. It feels like we are unhappy more than we are happy. We are cranky, we are short-tempered, we are not happy, and we are TIRED! It is exhausting feeling this way most days. I just really wish this year were over. I wish my classes were done. I wish the yearbook was put together and ready to be completely submitted. I wish it was summer so Josh would get a break as president. This just isn't any fun.

Emotionally Exhausted

I am just exhausted...emotionally. The past weekend brought about an ended friendship; this week brought about being offended and a student complaining about me on a Facebook. I don't know why I really care about any of this because it really shouldn't matter, but it does bother me and it wears me out. I just wish I could take a trip away somewhere for awhile. I was hoping things would get better once the week started, but they haven't.

I have never been more ready for summer break.

Stress + Aimee = Bad combination

Stress and me just do not get along. It just causes so many problems, not only for me, but for everyone around me. People always tell me to let things go and to quit worrying, but it is really hard not to.

This school year has been really difficult for me. On top of trying to be a good mother and a good wife, I am teaching pretty much all new classes that I have never taught before, dealing with our yearbook which takes TONS of work (seriously, TONS), do everything I need to do as the student council adviser, and take two masters classes online. If you have never taken an online class, try it just so you understand...they are harder than attending class. Professors feel like they have to make up for class discussion by adding tons more reading and work to do online. Trying to keep all of these things straight and get everything accomplished on time has been really difficult. It has caused so much stress on me, which has caused stress on my husband, which has caused stress on our relationship. I know he feels like I am never happy, but that isn't true. I am happy, most of the time. I just have a lot of things on my plate right now and it is really difficult to keep up with it all. I try to get in some physical activity to relieve some stress, but I don't know what else to do. He tells me to go to another room and have some alone time, but it isn't easy to relax when your son is screaming and crying in the other room, or the dogs are getting into trouble for peeing in the house or chewing up something they are not supposed to have.

I know I am guilty of freaking out sometimes about the smallest things. I know that I need to not care about things as much as I do. I know that I need to relax. I just wish I knew how. I have always been this way (not this bad...not since I was president of my sorority--talk about stress!), and I just don't know what to do right now when it seems to be worse than ever. The biggest thing I need is to not have so much stuff on my plate. I need a break. I need to be able to just relax and not have to worry about ten million things at once.

The Devil and Angel of Eating

Okay, so I totally want to get into shape. I am so tired of feeling like I look like a blob. I know one of my biggest issues is eating. This winter has kept me inside and bored, so what have I done to keep myself busy?: EAT! Yeah, you got it. I eat for entertainment. Except last week. I actually got it pretty under control during the snow days. I didn't allow myself to eat when I was bored (even though I was extremely), if I did want a snack I ate something small and healthy, and I kept my meal portions small. I was feeling pretty good. Well, tonight all of that went out the window. I tell you, there is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The angel tells me, "Slow down. Don't eat too much. You don't want to become a fat cow." I start to listen, but then the little food devil pipes in, "Oh, you can eat one more fajita and be okay. Come on, finish that margarita, you know you've had a bad day." And, for some reason, that little fat devil wins. Ugh! So, now I have to get through the rest of the night feeling like a cow, knowing that I am not going to be active enough tonight to burn any of it off.

Tomorrow, however, is a new day, and hopefully, I will get back to the way I have been. I am really thinking a salad sounds good for lunch.

So ready for spring

Bored...

I woke up this morning figuring we would have school. I never imagined that school would've been canceled today. I had already taken a shower when I found out. Boo! My hair was wet, and I had already woken up Josh. Then, when I was finally thinking about going back to bed, Collin woke up. We cuddled and watched some cartoons for a little while. Luckily, he was good enough to go back to sleep for a few hours!

The rest of the day has been quite boring. I finished a book, tried reading on another one, but just felt tired from lack of physical activity. So, I began to watch Angels and Demons. It was pretty good, but stupid Internet connection was messing up, and so it wouldn't let me watch the movie anymore through Netflix instant queue. How dumb! So, I moved onto washing dishes. That's never fun, but it needed to be done. However, now my hands are really dry. I hate washing dishes!

Saturday we had a birthday party for my mom. It was a pretty cool theme: black and white with international cuisine. It was really interesting to see the different dishes that were brought, and everything was quite delicious! I wish I had been able to socialize more downstairs with everyone, but three-year-old kids are a handful. I hope it is just the age right now, but sometimes I am at my wit's end with Collin. He can be so defiant. He can be so stubborn, and there are times when he really doesn't care if he gets into trouble or not. I don't know what to do sometimes. Ahhh!!!!

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. We hadn't gone on a major grocery shopping trip since early December, so our cart was completely full, and we spent quite a bit. Guess that's what you get when you wait so long. Collin, however, was REALLY good at Hy-Vee. We ate there and then shopped and he was good the entire time. He definitely made up for the night before.

Now I am just waiting to see if this snow comes. Everyone seems to be freaking out, and I thinking I am one of the only people that believes that we aren't going to get much. Maybe I am crazy, but I can just imagine this huge worry, and then just get a little bit. I guess we will just have to wait and see. However, it is Court Warming week, so it should snow...every Court Warming, it seems, it has snowed. Just wish I knew if I should pick out my outfit for school tomorrow, or make plans to keep myself occupied inside my house!

Snow Days=More Time to Read

Snow days used to be a wonderful thing when I was a student. Okay, they have been great as a teacher as well. However, lately, these snow days have been quite boring. Maybe it is because they happened right after Christmas break, but I have been so extremely bored. I feel like I have been in my home more than anywhere else, and it is usually the opposite. Usually I am missing just sitting at home.

What I can say about the snow days is that they have given me time to read some books, watch some movies, and get some laundry washed. That's been really nice since my classes at MU start up again this week...unfortunately. I am not looking forward to all of the work I am going to have to put in. Blah! I love to read (stuff I am interested in) and, once classes start back up, I won't have the time. Sucks.

The first book I read, okay, well, finished was The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, a memoir by Elna Baker.

The book took me awhile to get into, but after about halfway through, I was hooked. Elna is a Mormon who deals with many common situations all people in their 20s deal with, but she struggles to find a happy medium between the various desires she has and her religion. She is funny and I think she would be fun to hang out with.

The next book I read was True Believer by Nicholas Sparks.

I was in the mood for an easy read and Nicholas Sparks is just that. I love his books, but all of his books follow the same basic plot. This one strayed away a little from his usual plot structure, and I liked that. It was a little surprising that way. It still had all of the romance and the perfect guy in it, which takes you away from reality, which is nice on those crazy, stressful days everyone has every once in awhile.

I've started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I am only in the first few pages, but I have heard it is really good. It is just going to take me awhile to get through since life is going to be crazy again soon.