Emotionally Exhausted

I am just exhausted...emotionally. The past weekend brought about an ended friendship; this week brought about being offended and a student complaining about me on a Facebook. I don't know why I really care about any of this because it really shouldn't matter, but it does bother me and it wears me out. I just wish I could take a trip away somewhere for awhile. I was hoping things would get better once the week started, but they haven't.

I have never been more ready for summer break.

Stress + Aimee = Bad combination

Stress and me just do not get along. It just causes so many problems, not only for me, but for everyone around me. People always tell me to let things go and to quit worrying, but it is really hard not to.

This school year has been really difficult for me. On top of trying to be a good mother and a good wife, I am teaching pretty much all new classes that I have never taught before, dealing with our yearbook which takes TONS of work (seriously, TONS), do everything I need to do as the student council adviser, and take two masters classes online. If you have never taken an online class, try it just so you understand...they are harder than attending class. Professors feel like they have to make up for class discussion by adding tons more reading and work to do online. Trying to keep all of these things straight and get everything accomplished on time has been really difficult. It has caused so much stress on me, which has caused stress on my husband, which has caused stress on our relationship. I know he feels like I am never happy, but that isn't true. I am happy, most of the time. I just have a lot of things on my plate right now and it is really difficult to keep up with it all. I try to get in some physical activity to relieve some stress, but I don't know what else to do. He tells me to go to another room and have some alone time, but it isn't easy to relax when your son is screaming and crying in the other room, or the dogs are getting into trouble for peeing in the house or chewing up something they are not supposed to have.

I know I am guilty of freaking out sometimes about the smallest things. I know that I need to not care about things as much as I do. I know that I need to relax. I just wish I knew how. I have always been this way (not this bad...not since I was president of my sorority--talk about stress!), and I just don't know what to do right now when it seems to be worse than ever. The biggest thing I need is to not have so much stuff on my plate. I need a break. I need to be able to just relax and not have to worry about ten million things at once.

The Devil and Angel of Eating

Okay, so I totally want to get into shape. I am so tired of feeling like I look like a blob. I know one of my biggest issues is eating. This winter has kept me inside and bored, so what have I done to keep myself busy?: EAT! Yeah, you got it. I eat for entertainment. Except last week. I actually got it pretty under control during the snow days. I didn't allow myself to eat when I was bored (even though I was extremely), if I did want a snack I ate something small and healthy, and I kept my meal portions small. I was feeling pretty good. Well, tonight all of that went out the window. I tell you, there is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The angel tells me, "Slow down. Don't eat too much. You don't want to become a fat cow." I start to listen, but then the little food devil pipes in, "Oh, you can eat one more fajita and be okay. Come on, finish that margarita, you know you've had a bad day." And, for some reason, that little fat devil wins. Ugh! So, now I have to get through the rest of the night feeling like a cow, knowing that I am not going to be active enough tonight to burn any of it off.

Tomorrow, however, is a new day, and hopefully, I will get back to the way I have been. I am really thinking a salad sounds good for lunch.

So ready for spring

Bored...

I woke up this morning figuring we would have school. I never imagined that school would've been canceled today. I had already taken a shower when I found out. Boo! My hair was wet, and I had already woken up Josh. Then, when I was finally thinking about going back to bed, Collin woke up. We cuddled and watched some cartoons for a little while. Luckily, he was good enough to go back to sleep for a few hours!

The rest of the day has been quite boring. I finished a book, tried reading on another one, but just felt tired from lack of physical activity. So, I began to watch Angels and Demons. It was pretty good, but stupid Internet connection was messing up, and so it wouldn't let me watch the movie anymore through Netflix instant queue. How dumb! So, I moved onto washing dishes. That's never fun, but it needed to be done. However, now my hands are really dry. I hate washing dishes!

Saturday we had a birthday party for my mom. It was a pretty cool theme: black and white with international cuisine. It was really interesting to see the different dishes that were brought, and everything was quite delicious! I wish I had been able to socialize more downstairs with everyone, but three-year-old kids are a handful. I hope it is just the age right now, but sometimes I am at my wit's end with Collin. He can be so defiant. He can be so stubborn, and there are times when he really doesn't care if he gets into trouble or not. I don't know what to do sometimes. Ahhh!!!!

Yesterday we went grocery shopping. We hadn't gone on a major grocery shopping trip since early December, so our cart was completely full, and we spent quite a bit. Guess that's what you get when you wait so long. Collin, however, was REALLY good at Hy-Vee. We ate there and then shopped and he was good the entire time. He definitely made up for the night before.

Now I am just waiting to see if this snow comes. Everyone seems to be freaking out, and I thinking I am one of the only people that believes that we aren't going to get much. Maybe I am crazy, but I can just imagine this huge worry, and then just get a little bit. I guess we will just have to wait and see. However, it is Court Warming week, so it should snow...every Court Warming, it seems, it has snowed. Just wish I knew if I should pick out my outfit for school tomorrow, or make plans to keep myself occupied inside my house!

Snow Days=More Time to Read

Snow days used to be a wonderful thing when I was a student. Okay, they have been great as a teacher as well. However, lately, these snow days have been quite boring. Maybe it is because they happened right after Christmas break, but I have been so extremely bored. I feel like I have been in my home more than anywhere else, and it is usually the opposite. Usually I am missing just sitting at home.

What I can say about the snow days is that they have given me time to read some books, watch some movies, and get some laundry washed. That's been really nice since my classes at MU start up again this week...unfortunately. I am not looking forward to all of the work I am going to have to put in. Blah! I love to read (stuff I am interested in) and, once classes start back up, I won't have the time. Sucks.

The first book I read, okay, well, finished was The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, a memoir by Elna Baker.

The book took me awhile to get into, but after about halfway through, I was hooked. Elna is a Mormon who deals with many common situations all people in their 20s deal with, but she struggles to find a happy medium between the various desires she has and her religion. She is funny and I think she would be fun to hang out with.

The next book I read was True Believer by Nicholas Sparks.

I was in the mood for an easy read and Nicholas Sparks is just that. I love his books, but all of his books follow the same basic plot. This one strayed away a little from his usual plot structure, and I liked that. It was a little surprising that way. It still had all of the romance and the perfect guy in it, which takes you away from reality, which is nice on those crazy, stressful days everyone has every once in awhile.

I've started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I am only in the first few pages, but I have heard it is really good. It is just going to take me awhile to get through since life is going to be crazy again soon.

One of those not-so-wonderful days...

Ever have a day where you just don't feel happy? Today is one of those days. I am sitting here asking myself why I took so much on this year. I am enjoying the grade levels I am teaching, but it is always so much work when you start teaching something new. The yearbook is a ton of work and is stressing me out. Then, I have two masters classes I am taking through MU. So far they aren't too bad...almost feel more like an annoyance. I have so much to do and so much going on that we haven't had time to go grocery shopping (so eating out a lot and feeling like a gigantic cow) and the house is a horrible mess. When will I ever find time to clean it up? I don't want to live in a mess, but I just don't have time. When I do have some free time, I am so exhausted that I don't want to do anything. It is only the first day of September and I am already feeling stressed to the max. How can I make this better?

Some Things I Have Learned!

This last Saturday was my 10-year high school reunion and I definitely learned a few things from it.
1. People don't change, at least not in a 10-year period. The same cliques formed right away and no one intermingled. The stuck up people were still stuck up. The quiet ones were still quiet (that would be me!). I don't know why I was surprised. I guess I thought it would be like what you see in the movies...everyone talks to pretty much everyone else because now you are not classified into stupid stereotypical groups. Unfortunately, that is exactly what it was like. My husband even said it was, and I quote, "too high schooley" for him.
2. Even though people change, I learned that I should not have cared about it feeling like high school and I should have tried to talk to people regardless if they gave me a dirty look or if they actually had a conversation with me. I regret not trying to talk to people and I regret going back to that shy wallflower that I was in high school. That isn't me anymore. Why did I fall back into that shy, scared girl I once was? Ugh...
3. The people I wanted to really see from high school either didn't attend or they are the good friends that I still have from high school today. Leaving the reunion and going out with those who I know I love and will always be my best friends was the best part of the night. We had such a great time and I need to hang out with all of them much more!
4. My husband is awesome! I didn't want to make him go to the reunion at all. I know it had to be uncomfortable not knowing anyone and, even though he didn't go to my high school, going back to that feeling of being in high school (what a yucky feeling), but because our original plans fell through, he was a champ and went. He was amazing! He ordered our food and drinks and let me converse with people I hadn't seen for a long time. What a man! (Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta might good man--sorry, just went back to my middle school days.)
5. And, finally, I stressed way too much about my outfit for the night. I just didn't know what to wear, but I ended up loving it and will definitely wear it again.

I have also learned a few other items lately...nothing to do with my reunion...just with life and the way people are:
1. The majority of the time, the father is going to be the more stern disciplinarian in a family. Not always, but most of the time. I know it isn't fair to my husband or any other father out there, but, unfortunately, you are the ones with the deeper voices and stronger presences. It is the same in teaching...male teachers are usually more scary than we female teachers. You are just more intimidating than us and I don't know how to ever change it or make it so mothers and fathers are completely equal in the discipline area.
2. It is difficult for people to change. I guess this can relate to what I learned from my high school reunion, but it is something I see in many ways. Once people get in a groove, they stick with it. Sometimes you have to try and make a little bit of an effort to make you, others, or both a bit happier.
3. Being a parent is the hardest job one can ever have. It is also the most rewarding! However, trying to discipline your child, teach your child what they need to know, just try to raise your child to be the best person they can be is tough. I thought teaching obstinate middle schoolers was difficult. Being a parent is much harder!